19 Nov UGLY MONKEE = Worlds greatest wingman
This guy is NOT the worlds greatest wingman!
This is your buddy Ned. He is a cool enough guy with that facial hair and all but when it comes down to “taking one for the team” I’m afraid Ned is not your guy.
Ned wants to help. Hell, he is even willing to sleep with that loser-friend of hers so you can score with the hot chick. He needs the action. its been like two years since the divorce and he really needs to move on but he can’t help you.
Why can’t Ned help you? Because Ned is a huge loser. Instead of establishing dominance over the puffy sad bff with garlic breath he is going to convince here that she can do better. Then he will tell some uncomfortable story about him and his ex-wife on vacation in the Berkshires and while all that is happening your buying $9 mixed drinks for her European fashion model friend that will NOT be going home with you.
Don’t blame Ned, you should have left his ass at home… This is YOUR fault.
Say goodnight to chubby and hotty because you F#cked this up…
Next time we suggest you give Ned a lift to BLOCKBUSTER video on friday night THEN you party with the worlds greatest wingman – UGLY MONKEY!
Sure ugly monkey is an under evolved primate but so are you, he just happens to be a little more hairy then you. Plus the UG-MAN will take down the saddest sack of shit chick at Applebees any night of the week leaving you a wide-open running lane to take out the hostess.
And with Ugly Monkey, NO PASS INTERFERENCE! Ugly Monkey has a 0% cock-blocking record.
Still not a believer? Check out some of Ugly Monkeys greatest hits: (Things UG-MAN says to get you in)
1. “Yea, I like my job but I would love to be a MILLIONAIRE like my friend over there”
2. “I hope your friend is nice to my buddy because he is really sensitive”
3. “Beer pong? How do you play beer pong?”
4. “I don’t think we should let them be alone… my buddy has been hurt before”
5. “Your friend is cute but way to skinny… I like girls with curves”
6. “Your right, Family Guy is a stupid show”
7. “A little dessert won’t kill you”
8. “I know we can’t go back to his house because its being painted”
The advice is free – But if you don’t take it then it will cost you plenty
Ugly Monkey
Its a jungle out there
www.myuglymonkey.com
19 Nov My Ugly Monkey Interview
Recently a prominent member of the media sat down with our Chief executive monkey and asked the hard-hitting questions….
As a service to our friends and family we infringed on that copyright and pasted the interview below.
Diane Sawyer: Mr. Ugly monkey thank you for sitting down with me today.
Ugly Monkey: Please Diane, we are all friends here… call me ugly.
DS: Oh, alright then ugly first question… Is it a pure coincidence that your website launched at the very same time our nation gets a new president?
UM: YES, pure coincidence, although I should mention that several of our staff members were very involved in the campaign and we really couldn’t launch until we could get them back to their desks and focused on the work at hand. Now that this race is over we can focus on running the greatest website ever and then of course taking over the world.
DS: taking over the world?
UM: just kidding about that. But while I’m on the subject there is no truth to the rumor that we are using our website to overthrow world governments.
DS: Actually I don’t think I heard anything about that?
UM: next question.
DS: Well, I think our readers would like to hear more about your plans for world domination
UM: THIS F*!@#$% INTERVIEW IS OVER!
Its a Jungle out there!
www.myuglymonkey.com
19 Nov Prepare to Meet your Monkey
We are in pre-launch for ugly monkey and as you know this is when we “work out the kinks” .... Its a high pressure time for all of us on the jungle floor.
Fear not, we will rise to the occasion and make 2009 the YEAR OF THE MONKEY!
By the way, if you think that the shameless self-promotion stops there you are very wrong. We are nothing if not committed to making ugly monkey the best. And to be the best we will need as much help from family friends and random jerks as possible. So help us grow this thing, tell your mom, tell grandma, and for christ sakes tell the guy at your job that cleans his ears with his car key to log on and check out the site.
Don’t worry we won’t let you down
UGLY MONKEY
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